Going back the memory lane of my childhood.
As every kid I started “crushing” at a young age, in school. I didn’t know anything about that strange feeling inside of me. I remember my parents would ask me if there is some boy that I maybe like. They would just smile when I blushed on that question, it’s like they were trying to make it easier for me, they made it look like loving was easy. Like it’s all smiles, laughs and hugs, but it wasn’t, not at least for me.
My first crush was this boy from my class, but he didn’t like me as it seemed so silly little me decided to change for him. I used to wear pink clothes, get my hair all done cute and stuff like that, but somehow it came to my silly little mind that he might start noticing me if I started to “act like a boy”. Crazy and weird. From that point I started changing, no more pink clothes, well I did wear them, but not as much. I started asking my parents to buy me clothes that are blue, green…that don’t have flowers on them. I changed for my crush, for somebody that today I don’t even care about that much, we still see eachother every day, but we don’t talk. Rarely.
After him there is another boy that I met in new school. He was weird, he still is actually. I don’t even know why I chose him, he wasn’t anything like other boys. He is still a mystery to me. I saw him one day while waiting for teacher to come and let us in classroom. He was a chubby boy, but he was tall. Did he notice me? Yes, he did. Did it last long? Depends, not long enough for me because I still, after 4 years, love him or whatever that is called.
To me love is a such a strange thing. You never know who might be your next mistake or love of your life. Love makes you change, it makes you feel good and special, but it also makes you feel lonely and ugly. Love is one big risk that we take, but most of the time we don’t even know we took it. It just comes, knocks on your door “Hello, I am here to make your life better, or ruin it, who knows..let’s chat”.
Honestly, I am thankful to that boy for making me change, I don’t regret that change. I don’t regret wearing blue and green. I don’t regret who I am right now. I am happy with myself as much as I can be. I am thankful to that chubby boy for making me happy, making me feel special even if it was for a year or two.