Trapped by my own fears

Hello!

Today I’d like to tell you a little story about me so here we go.

I’m a creative person, I express my feelings by art, any kind of it, but that is the only way. Here’s an example. I’m in school and I’m nervous or even mad, I’d grab my pen and open my notebook, most of the time I draw wherever I can, but I try to do it on the last page so that teacher won’t see it when checking my notebook. So I grab my pen and just start drawing and/or writing. Most of the time it’s just some random drawings that make no sense at all or even words that make no sense at all at least to other people around me. Sadly I can’t show your my “works of art” because I don’t have my notebooks with me and I don’t know when I will get them, but one day I will show you.

That is one way of expressing, now you maybe ask yourself what does this have to do with being trapped by your own fears, well I’ll explain it to you.

As much as it would maybe help me if others hear me out and listen to my problems, I don’t want that because I’m scared that they might judge me wrong and leave me. I got that fear from people around me when I was a kid (not my family, but friends). As a kid I didn’t have much friends, I did have a few, but that wasn’t true friendship. I’d just be there for them whenever they were lonely or when they needed me for something and I’d go around and follow them as their loyal puppy.

As some of you might’ve figured out by now, they didn’t listen to me much, my opinions weren’t important that much. For example I’d say something, like how I feel about something that is currently happening and whoever was “listening” to me would be like “Oh, yeah” and just turn around, nobody truly listened to me.

Since then I don’t want others to know how I feel and what I think, I hide my feelings in those drawings and words because I don’t want them to be found out, to be seen. I know that times are different now, I’m around different people, but that’s just me. I can’t do it.

Featured Image credit nakedbluemoon