That weird mood of mine

Hello! So today I’m not in so good mood to write happy stuff. Not my fault, blame it on him. Who is “him” you maybe ask yourself, well it’s that “special someone”. I mentioned him in my first post Love is such a strange thing. He’s the one of 4 years, chubby and tall “little” boy. He’s a man now actually, oh how time flies.

Sometimes I get in this weird mood of remembering everything that happened between two of us. You know, from a happy start to something end, I said something because I don’t know how it was and I don’t know if I can call it the end of us or something that we were. Long story short, I don’t know if it’s over, it doesn’t feel like it and besides, that something that is required to make it so it’s over, so it’s the end, that didn’t happen, it’s missing.

That weird mood.

I don’t have a name for it. I don’t know how to call it. Loneliness? Nah, it sounds too lonely, I’m not so lonely. In love or just Love? Nope, it’s too weird to be called like that. Broken? Really warm, that’s close, but it’s not that. It’s a mix of everything and anything.

What makes me more sad when I’m in it is that I can be really annoying and pathetic. How pathetic and annoying? On scale 1-10, 2000. Most of the time I start talking about him, he’s just everything that I think of. Only him and nobody else. If my cat came to me and started meowing to let her out to “do her thing”, I wouldn’t let her out because I’d be so distracted by the fact that he is not here and that I didn’t see him in so long. I think that even if he called me on my phone (which is impossible because he doesn’t have my number) I wouldn’t answer because that’s how distracted I am. That’s me. Hey, I even made a page that is full of quotes about him, well there are few of them that are about other people, but that’s like maybe 5%, so nothing,

My friend, who knows EVERYTHING about him and who also knows how annoying I can be when I’m in the mood because she is usually the person who I message when it hits me, she is probably reading this now and again thinking how pathetic and sad I am for writing a post entirely dedicated to him. I understand how sad it is, really I do and I’m sorry, I apologise, but I just don’t care anymore, besides this is me accepting the fact that it’s happening to me and sharing with other people how sad and pathetic I am so they know too and can make fun of me.

Feel free to make fun of me, you wont be the first or last person to do it, I kind of like it now too honestly. Anyways I hope you guys are having a great day and I hope that none of you are going through the same thing as I am.

Featured Image credit Joellsossa


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