A different side of me

Hello!

Here are some facts about me:

• I’m shy
• I don’t drink or smoke
• Never tried smoking
• I tried beer and wine, but once in my life, didn’t like it honestly
• Nightclubs – a bunch of creepy and drunk people, no thank you
• I’m polite and normal…

or at least they say I am.

 

So what is this all about you ask yourself, maybe, well outside, I’m all of that, I’m shy, I don’t drink, I’m polite and normal, but inside of me, I’m not. My mind is working on whole other way. Let’s start with some facts that are up there and explain them.

#1 Shy

I’m shy, it’s true. To me it’s hard to talk to anybody, I’m scared that I might say something wrong. I care about what others say about me. If you told to me that I have to go outside and ask some random stranger to tell me directions to this and that restaurant or building, no way I will do it, oh and also, saying “No” to people, not my thing. Also I will never say I don’t like something because I’m scared that I might hurt somebody by saying that, I “LIKE” EVERYTHING THAT I GET.

That’s the outside of me, but inside, I have a lot to say. There are thousands and thousands of words going around in my mind while doing something or listening to somebody. From hating others and their actions to hating myself. I say the worst stuff to myself inside my mind. Let’s say that some girl was rude to me, outside I’d just shut up and leave, but inside, man I swear, I make new words and meanings, it’s storm going inside, a storm of thoughts and words.

 

#2 Drinking and smoking

As I said, never tried smoking, but I did try drinking. I didn’t like it at all and when I see what it does to people, it makes me angry and sad. If somebody offered me to drink or some, no thank you. I’d rather take water and look like a loser than drink or smoke.

Again, outer side of me. Inside, give me beer or cigarette, I want to do it. Why? Because it looks cool. For years now there is same thought going around in my head, I want to make my crush see that I’ve changed, that I’ve gone bad while he was away. I want him to care about me, to ask me “What happened to you?” and I’d say “You”. I want to show him that I’m not his “little girl” anymore (we never were together, everyone called me “his little girl”). I don’t even care if he says that it’s not cool for girls to drink or smoke, I don’t care if he wont like me anymore, if he even did, I don’t care. I just want him to start hating me, to say that I’m crazy and stuff like that.

#3 Nightclubs

I never went out in a nightclub. I don’t want to go, there are a bunch of creepy and drunk people. People looking just for one night stand and doing drugs. It’s not my thing, I’m good.

Inner side of me doesn’t even think about that. Nightclubs are amazing, I can dance, I can let myself go. I might even meet some boys and new friends. I might even find a boyfriend there. I can drink and show that I’m cool, that I’m just like everybody else. Also, my crush again, I want to make him jealous, I want to make him see what he lost. Silly me.

#4 I’m polite and normal

Honestly, I think I don’t need to explain this fact. I think you already understand me and know who I actually am,

but which one do I like more, outer side of me or inner side of me? I like both, but outer side of me is better, it’s who my parents raised me to be, it’s what I really want to be. I don’t want to be some troublemaker, I don’t want to be alcoholic because I see how much it hurts me and people around me. Alcohol doesn’t bring good, it brings bad (I know some of you might think “Oh, but look, kids were made thanks to alcohol, that is true, but most of those kids maybe today don’t have normal lives or parents, of course there are exceptions, thank God). Smoking? Bad also.

I just want to let you guys know that not everybody are like they seem. Their outer and inner sides might be different. I also wanted you to know me a bit more. Life changes and people change, but I hope I don’t change to bad. I hope I only change to good and same goes to you. Don’t go bad please. Not only you will hurt yourself, but others around you too. Don’t change to bad because it looks “cool” or because others are doing it. It’s not worth it, trust me.

Featured Image credit to Miki Takahashi